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Wednesday April 23, 2025
Social Creatures
Aristotle said that “man is a social animal” and nowadays we often hear that “humans are inherently social”. Variations of this quote exist across time and cultures and succinctly argues for a reason that we exist: to be around for each other. It’s not exactly a reason for the existence of life forms, but for some people, believing in the goodness and potential of humanity is enough motivation to get through each day. Furthermore, we can observe our social instincts through how we develop aspirations for friendship and community. When we begin in a new school, it's in our interest to meet other people and find a group of friends. We like forming connections with people of similar interests or with whom we share common experiences.
Earlier this month, we discussed the relationships between ourselves and our families, and the role our families have as our first providers of love and care. Now we’re taking a look at when we venture out into the world and meet other people who become our friends and communities. These people serve as other voices in our lives, challenging what we’ve learned from our families. From these challenges, we shape our worldviews, how we interact with others, and how we perceive ourselves. Two of our interviewees, Violet (name changed for anonymity) and Dennis, shared just how meaningful their bonds are.
What are some ways through which you build/maintain your friendships?
“Definitely reaching out to people and trying to plan stuff together or checking in on each other. Communication is where all the magic happens. You can use it to reach a common ground and understanding.” – Violet
“I maintain and build my friendships through the display of genuine interest and remembering things that people say. I also try my best to be consistent, showing up, texting back, and even regular check-ins, so that I can be someone they can count on.” – Dennis
What are some ways through which you and your friends support each other?
“Just being there for each other and showing up. We support each other by showing up to performances or events, or just going to be there together even if we’re not really doing anything special, just to have someone there that you can talk to.” – Violet
“We show support by celebrating each other, whether it be their birthdays, hyping up their wins, doing good on exams, etc. We always check in with each other and offer encouragement whether it is a tough exam or just a rough day. We also help each other with tasks and offer our presence while we study, even if we are studying different material.” – Dennis
It seems that the answer to “why do we want friends” is because we want to be around other people. Keeping in touch is one of the keys to having a lasting friendship, and being present, for both the big and the mundane, strengthens them.
How have your friendships changed or evolved over time?
“My friend group has definitely changed a lot since elementary school because even though I try to talk to my elementary school friends, we are very different people. As you grow older, different people will just find other people that vibe with them more. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or that they hate you, they just find other groups of people, and you can find other groups of people too.” – Violet
“I have had my close friends since I was a lot younger, and over time we have gone through the same school, same neighborhood, same classes, and many of the same hardships, and as we have gotten older, our priorities have changed, and it takes more effort to stay connected with our tight schedules. But in this, my friendships have only strengthened as it has shown me who is willing to stick around!” – Dennis
Are there any lessons you’ve learned from your friends?
“Definitely speaking up for yourself. So say whatever’s on your mind or else you’re going to feel like you’re not heard, but other people aren’t going to know that.” – Violet
“I learned that not everyone communicates the same! Some friends might want to talk things out immediately while others need space. Either way, it builds my ability to communicate and be vulnerable and also understand people's vulnerability. My friends have shown me that it's ok to be real and how to meet them with forgiveness or empathy over judgement.” – Dennis
Finding and maintaining friendships is so talked about but we don’t often discuss when people fall out of our lives. Sometimes it happens with time or changing environments. Sometimes it's slow or quiet, and sometimes it's loud.
Oftentimes we experience and interpret situations more differently than others realize. At our week 4 general body meeting, we discussed how when we reach certain comfort levels with our friends, we can get “too comfortable” and assume that some behaviors are a given, but we all have different comfort levels of our own. At the same time, when we feel uncomfortable we might not want to break the comfort from our end by speaking up. We can let it slide, but sometimes it affects us more than we realize and our self preservation actually hinders the relationship. It can require vulnerability to bring certain issues up, and vulnerability can be hard. It takes trust and it doesn’t always work out, but sometimes the compassion of others can surprise you.
What does having your communities mean to you?
“They shape me into the person I am. They help me develop social skills to talk to people and help me grow as a person. ‘Cause I love my family, but I feel like I can only learn so much from them and being in these [communities] help me learn more about, for example my Asian heritage and more about Asian culture, that I can’t really learn from my family because we don’t really practice it”. – Violet
“This [College Park] community is a powerful backbone in which we share our struggles, yet continue to live our lives together and build each other up. In part of this community, I'm surrounded by people chasing growth, figuring themselves out, and, in their own way, dreaming big. That’s a special kind of motivation that everyone should feel in their community!” – Dennis
Your community allows you to build up a strong, confident identity which can help you with almost any aspect of your life. We may connect with certain groups of people out of circumstance, like sharing an identity or belonging to the same school, but what you take from being in a community is more than just a label. Having shared experiences is validating. Having varied experiences can be inspiring. Pride for your community comes from being able to connect with what your community stands for and what they are capable of. Communities can be a way of expressing your own values and beliefs as you engage in its culture and claim it as your own.
The connections you have to your friends and your communities are not just links of association, they’re roadmaps to your identity. We gain so much from our family and our relationships with ourselves, but our relationships with friends and communities is how we fit ourselves within the world.
"When I think of my own communities, I notice that I fracture myself. I am a student, I am a woman, I am neurodivergent, I am queer, I am Chinese. Having these communities has been instrumental in learning to accept all the parts of myself that feel different from others. When I think of my friends, I feel accepted to exist as the amalgamation that I am. They are my confessionals and the witnesses to my victories and frustrations." — Betty (Editor)
Our friends weather the world for us when our family isn't there or when we can’t ourselves. Our communities create the spaces for us to discover and be who we are. The human interactions that we have with both close relationships and with strangers are lasting.
The next few months will bring change and uncertainty for many of us. Disregarding current events, finals season will bring the end of the semester and we return to a life off campus. Many of us are graduating. Keep in touch with the ones you want in your life. Don’t be afraid to reach out even if it's been years since you’ve last interacted.
Being a friend and a part of a community should remind us of what it is to be human. It should challenge us to consider what it is we want from people and how we can extend the same consideration to others. Moreover, we should be inspired to extend our kindness to those outside our immediate groups. Group formations can express an “us” versus “them”, but we’re all trying to coexist on the same ball of rock together. For every group that you differ from someone, there is another group which you share.
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